Dance... Even when Everyone is watching

Ellie is in First Grade. So she's six-going-on-seven. In other words, she has entered what I like to call the "goofy kid stage," where they are stuck between being little kids and having to do big kid stuff like growing and losing teeth and learning to read and figuring out social cues...

And Ellie, oh Ellie... She is sweet, helpful, loving, bright, imaginative, independent, cuddly, quirky, and so very innocent. 

So at her school there is going to be a talent show. Each class picks 3 acts to send to the school-wide show. Teachers determine how the acts are chosen, and First Grade "auditions" took place this week. I got the email about it and a note in Ellie's folder, but she didn't show interest in this optional activity, so I figured she wouldn't participate. Until she got in the car yesterday and declared that she needed an act and was going to dance. Despite the fact that she didn't have a dance prepared or music picked out. "I have skills," she said. Despite the fact that her "skills" seem to be, um, late bloomers. "Ok!" I said, because what else would I say? Then I asked her which song she'd like and gave her the CD. I had my doubts but didn't let her see them. 

No practice, no planning, my girl was going to dance in front of her class of 22 students. All by herself. That takes courage. Pardon my crassness, but that takes BALLS. Or maybe just a healthy dose of blissful self-unawareness. I have seen her dance in the living room, and oh what I would have given to be a fly on the wall of that classroom today! 

I think that same lack of inhibitions allows her to have such a free-flowing imagination. She practically lives in her pretend world, only coming up for air into the real world when she has to. It also makes her absent-minded and flighty, but if those qualities shield her from the less pleasant parts of reality, I'll allow it. 

When I picked her up today, I asked her how her dance went. "Great!" She exclaimed, but then some darker parts of the story emerged, and my fears were confirmed. "Did your friends like it?" I asked. "Yes, but [two boys] laughed at me at the end." And made her cry. And made me want to cry because no one makes fun of my baby. Despite the unpleasant end of the story, however, her spirits and self-esteem seemed completely unaffected. She reported that the unkind kids had been reprimanded, so justice was served in her eyes, and that was it. End of story. She went on to play a game with Katie as I drove us home and pondered all these things in my heart. 

Ellie is brave. She is resilient. She is amazing. She doesn't care what others think about her (yet), and she is true to herself and her understanding of the way the world works. "They were rude!" she said, and deemed those kids unworthy of her time or friendship. 

Can she please stay this way forever?! Sure of herself, her goals, her ideals... Allowing herself to feel sadness or disappointment but not allowing those feelings to define her... Not overly concerned about what others think of her... Bold and brave and willing to show what she had to offer because SHE knew it was valuable, all nay-sayers (myself included) be damned! It was important to her, so she did it. And that was it. 

I am proud of her. And humbled by her. I wish I could be like her, see the world through her eyes. I know she is probably unaware of the lesson she taught me and even the significance of her choices today, but she is a light, and I will do everything I can to help her shine. My precious Ellie, you are such a treasure.